Introduction by Audrey
Right after I launched this website, Klaske reached out to me and shared how she had applied several changes to her life. The process (both in actions as well as mindset) she went through resonated with me a lot and without hesitation I asked her whether she would be interested in guest-writing an article for this website.
She said yes! So without further ado, here are Klaske's words.
The stories we tell ourselves
Some time ago, Audrey asked me to write a guest blogpost for her project Productivithee. I was happy to oblige, but started to get quite nervous when I saw her structured book reviews and immaculately shaped flowcharts. (Mine always turn out wobbly and too small around the edges.)
I sat myself down and thought about what I had to share about personal growth. Reading Audrey’s mission statement (I wanted to learn to set priorities, say no to things that are not a priority, and do things with more intention) had stirred something inside me, something that yearned for expression. Because – my crooked flowcharts aside, those will never change – many things have shifted for me during these last years.
What changed, then? It is hard to explain. It was a lot of small things and something very large, almost too large to contemplate, all at once. The feeling of a thousand small pin pricks egging me on during the grind of everyday life, when things got hard or cold or boring or just not-that-great. The vast rush of emotion when I finished my first running race. The serenity of an early morning run, the feeling of lounging in bed without a hang-over. The sense of my life neatly folding in on itself, the relief of leading a life instead of being led. The calm focus during that job interview, when I knew I had it in the pocket. The joy of running through the mountains in Nepal when, for the first time in years, I wasn’t afraid.
After reading this, you might think: jeez, this girl seems to run a lot. That is certainly true. A year ago, I started running and I haven’t stopped since. And even though I always recommend hitting the trails or just taking a walk to improve your life, that isn’t the whole story. Let me tell you about what worked for me and then share the bigger lesson.
Simply put, within one year I switched from an okay-but-actually-kinda-eating-me-alive job to a great one, got in shape, became a morning person and stopped getting drunk (these two are related), got into a relationship, started making my bed, became a runner, improved my family relations, started some long overdue therapy (which I could afford thanks to the new job), started saying no, and fulfilled my dream of travelling through Nepal.
Now I’m not telling you that you should do these exact things. That would be a bit creepy. The point is that one day I decided that I wanted to do these things. Because I knew that the person who did these things lived inside me. And she was getting impatient with the girl who stayed out too late and was fine with feeling foggy the day after. So what changed?
My story changed. And that is the bigger lesson: change the story. You know the one, right? The story you tell yourself. The story about what you deserve, and what you don’t. About what you can do, and what you cannot. Most of our stories are the scissors with which we clip our wings. Luckily, it is possible to change that.
The great thing about our stories is that they are malleable through actions. The beautiful quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, ‘We all accept the love we think we deserve’, applies here too, albeit in a slightly different form. We all lead the life we think we deserve. Because we believe the stories we tell ourselves.
Actions speak louder than words in this case. What do we tell ourselves when we drink too much, when we leave a mess in our bedroom, when we skip the gym again and again? These things might seem trivial, but they tell a story. Through our everyday decisions, we point a megaphone at our subconsciousness, yelling: ‘We don’t deserve more. We don’t deserve more than this foggy head and messy room and tired body, because it is too damn hard to change and we cannot do this.’
Here is where it gets interesting. Because maybe you believe that you can’t change, but I bet there lives a person inside your imagination who can. Sit yourself down with a notepad or simply close your eyes. Picture that fearless woman, or that brave man. What does she look like? What does he say when things get hard? What would it sound like if she said ‘No’? What would it feel like to always, unequivocally, have your own back? To put your own needs first?
One of my favorite blogger/vloggers, relationship coach Amy Young, once devoted a whole video talk to this concept. She received a question from a desperate reader: this woman was stuck in a relationship that made her unhappy and she was unable to break free. Young laughed and said: ‘Then just play pretend. You can’t do it? Fine! Then play someone who can.’ At first I thought: it cannot be that simple. And make no mistake: sometimes things that are simple, can still be very, very hard. But the thing I learned is that stuff that is both simple and very hard, is almost always the right stuff.
The author James Clear, who writes about the power of habits, puts it like this: every day, through your actions, you cast a vote for the kind of person you want to be. If you go to the gym, you are a person who goes to the gym. It is that straightforward. And here is the trick: whenever you wake up, tell yourself your new story. Next, get up, make your bed (trust me on this,) and go cast your vote. Because you deserve it.
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