We all grow up with a sense of right and wrong. This sense gives you guidelines on how to behave and act, but it does not necessarily provide a clear direction. The direction you want your life to move in can only be decided by you.
I have been searching for my direction for years. I always had short-term goals, such as living abroad, obtaining degrees, finding a job, but I missed an overarching goal. I missed a purpose, a mission, rules to live by in any given situation.
When life slowed down in the corona crisis, I found the mental space to revisit my search. I reflected a lot on the past couple years. What am I most proud of, what am I happy with, what am I grateful for, what do I still want to improve and why? While going through my logs and journals (wishing I journaled more), suddenly things clicked and I wrote a first version of my life's purpose, my personal mission statement, and my core values. Yes, a 'first version' because I believe that they will grow and evolve along with me.
You can find my personal mission statement in the About section on the homepage. For my core values I wanted to dedicate an article to share how I found my core values and how I apply them in my daily life.
The search
I always thought, for no reason, that people just came up with their core values out of the blue. Several months ago I realized that it's not necessary to re-invent the wheel. There are many examples on the internet; perhaps your idol, favorite author or other person with influence published their core values to inspire you. What's most important is that your core values resonate with you emotionally, not only rationally. I've seen values that I agree with but I don't feel anything special towards them, so if I adopt them as my values I'm quite certain I wouldn't necessarily be motivated to live by them.
It's also important to note that I didn't determine my core values within a day after looking for examples. I truly believe it takes time to let different values sink in and to connect to them before making a selection. This process is mostly subconscious though, it's not like I sat myself down and actively thought about values. It's also definitely not a rational process but you do need time and mental energy. In January I started to consistently reflect on every week and in the search of my core values I used my weekly reflections to discover patterns in my thoughts and behavior.
My core values
In the end, I settled on three core values. The first two are more inward-facing and a reminder to myself of how I want to spend my time and how I want to develop. The last value relates to what I want to contribute to my surroundings, in terms of energy and vibes. I don't want to be someone who drains energy from others, I'd rather lift moods and bring a positive vibe into the room.
1. BALANCE
I plan my weeks and days with intention, keeping a balance between my health, hobbies, friends and family, and work.
2. GROWTH
I grow by stepping out of my comfort zone
I embrace making mistakes and make sure to learn from them, so that I don't make the same mistake twice
I strive for progress, not perfection
3. POSITIVITY
I laugh every day
I make someone laugh every day
In difficult situations, I look for silver linings and opportunities
How I live by my core values
I review my week every Sunday, and hold my behavior throughout the week against my core values. This review keeps me grounded and on track. If, for instance, I have beaten myself up for a mistake I made at work or in my personal life, the review reminds me of my core value to embrace making mistakes and learning from them.
Since I defined my core values only recently, they still need to be ingrained in my head and in my actions. I still need active reminders, which I get through my weekly reviews, but that is OK. Above all, I feel relieved and proud that I finally managed to define my own life's guidelines.
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